We are humans and for us it is not uncommon to either dwell in the past or think about the future. Due to my book “Make Love Work” I was addressed by are reader who wanted to know if her past relation was true love.
It is a dangerous question by the way. Imagine you find out it was and you were the one letting it slip through your fingers. She was from the Philippines and here it is not uncommon that families are separated for years because one of the adults is working abroad to feel the family or have money to educate the children. It is as common that the husband and father leaves his wife and children. Then the woman goes abroad to educate her children. This as a little background information.
Another group of woman try “to find a foreigner Husband” via chatting. Some are successful. In both cases the relationship is an online relationship. For me it is not question that this can be love. You actually can do a lot of things online. You talk and are there for each other. You give moral and emotional support and yes, financial support is possible too.
This woman who asked me about the true love not only asked me but triggered a ling of thought which lead to a realization for me. What is real love? I had the tendency up to now to regard unconditional love as the only true love. I still think that is true. But we are here on earth and unconditional love is as rare as diamond and has a half-life often of moment. What I mean is that even normal people are able to love unconditionally but only for a certain time.
So let me find an answer which is not so elevated as “Unconditional Love”
My first idea was that it must stand on two legs from him and from her (or her/her and him/him to include same sex relationships) But I encountered two problems: True love not necessarily must be mutual!
I also though one of the signs of true love is that it is balanced: both give and receive equally.
But what if a “love giant” and a “love dwarf” meet? To make the giving and taking balanced it cannot be the “amount” of love but rather the “percentage”!
For sure it is not right to say there is NO real love. But what makes love REAL love?
I personally have problem if a person I do not know or I just met tells me “I love you”.
I do not believe it, because I think I have to know a person to be able to love him or her. Yes I can love an aspect of a person: her looks, his money the way s/he moves. Can you agree, that this is not real love?
What about if we add “hard time” to “love”?
If we are willing to stay with our partner even if the times are hard (I like to exclude when he or she is beating the other party) I mean if outside forces try to break the bond. This for sure is a more adult form of love than a puppy love which may break when a wrong text is found in the cell of the other.
It does not matter if you believe in a God or not, we all experience love. I like to think love is a trick to lure us into learning. I am sure, you do not like this line of thought! But what if we are not here to be happy but are here to learn? What if love is the “free” food to trick us into learning? I still would like to love and I still would learn – but then I like learning and I like (hu/wo)man.
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